Religion - August 2007
There's a man in the sky.
"He" watches everything every one of us does, making instant, final judgements.
"He" let his own son get crucified, then brought him back to life, to prove "His" existence. This son, apparently born of a virgin mother, was a carpenter. Being the son of an omnipotent, omniscient deity, Jesus no doubt made some awesome chairs and tables.
"He" gives people "prophetic visions", cleverly disguised as educated guesses, which they then add to the "good book".
"He" at first led his underlings to deny and decry the methods of scientists, then when it turns out that these methods have produced concrete, reproducable, unquestionable facts, "He" instructed his underlings to use scientific method in their lives, generally to prop up religious claims.
"He" at first led his underlings to deny evolution, then led them to say he started it.
"He" is just waiting for the time to wreak havoc on Earth, to plop his son on the turf and lead the believers up to a magical place in his home in the sky, a place which one must assume has a technically impossible oxygen supply.
"He" watches millions upon millions get slaughtered, starve, burn, suffocate, drown.
"He" does all these things because "He" loves us.
LOLLERSKATES. I'd like to be sorry if I've offended anyone who takes religion seriously. I really would. But I'm just not. The time for mystical belief is over. At least with the Easter Bunny (yeah, I realise it's a "Christian" holiday, but seriously, what the day once meant has no relevance anymore) everyone gets chocolate eggs.
What do you get, oh faithful one? A warm fuzzy feeling in the bottom of your stomach when you pray to your imaginary friend? Someone to question when everything turns pear shaped, someone to thank when it doesn't? Don't you have any real friends? Have you ever wondered why?
I realise this typically slanderous and uneducated rant only applies directly to Christianity, but seriously, what's the difference? A few words here, a few different characters there, a bonus virgin or 40 in the afterlife. You're still devoting your life to a "higher power" whose existence you can never prove. You're still advocating violence in the name of what was promised to you in a millenia-old collection of paper, from people who treated women like dirt, from people who whipped you, nailed you to a cross, and let you starve to death.
Rant disclaimer: if you take any of this seriously you are responsible for your own hilariously hyperventilating reaction. Comments can be posted NOWHERE! Haha! This is my site and you can suffer through it.